A Confidence Boost from the Light That Is Nafessa Williams
If the name Nafessa Williams doesn’t ring a bell, that’s because she’s a young up and coming actor and fashionista whose work you’re likely missing out on. She’s best known for her role as Anissa Pierce/Thunder on Black Lightning (pictured below). She’s also had roles in film and played recurring characters on Twin Peaks, and Code Black, and One Life to Live. She also founded a clothing line called Saturday Dreaming.
Bob Mahoney/The CW
Seeing as Black Lightning is currently one of my favorite TV series, I was excited to attend Motor City Comic Con this past summer because I had a chance to meet Nafessa and co-stars Cress Williams and China Anne McClain. Meeting the title character himself in Cress was dope because he was a down to earth individual who was willing to engage in a long conversation. China was super friendly with this wholeheartedly positive vibe about her. However, it was meeting Nafessa that created the biggest surprise of the day and weekend.
67 Likes, 9 Comments - LB of Wakanda (@heartsleevedlb) on Instagram: "My brother and I met @cress_williams aka #BlackLightning on #Deadpool2 Day and I finally found a..."
When I walked up to her table, the first thing Nafessa said to me was “hi handsome.” This warm greeting may seem like an insignificant gesture to most but it was truly meaningful for me. It was the first time in years that a black woman, who isn’t family or friend, complimented my appearance.
In that moment, I didn’t care if she was just being friendly, says that to all male fans who visit her table at cons, or if her compliment wasn’t sincere. None of that mattered because immediately after she said it, I felt seen, accepted, and that I was welcomed in her presence. That’s something I hadn’t felt around an unknown black woman in years.
You see, I was raised by a village of incredible black women so for most of my life, I only found myself attracted to females that looked like them. Growing up, I was also teased for “talking white” and liking “white people shit” which caused some internal identity issues. It was toward the end of high school and early college that these factors teamed up with my dating history and beat me into believing that black women would never be interested in me. So I naturally became more open-minded and started dating outside of my race. I had a couple short-term attractions with black women but nothing stuck and the only serious long-term relationship I had after that was interracial.
Outside reactions to that relationship increased the feeling that I was less than or undeserving of black women. My internal identity issues were piled on by the looks strangers gave us out in public, comments made by others directly to my face, and commentary on social media. There was a point where I thought that it was 100% impossible for a black woman to love me on an intimate level.
Over the past couple years, I’ve done a deeper dive into blackness and discovered that I was wrong to question mine because we are not monolithic. In fact, we are an endless list of magical possibilities, interests, and personalities. Along with this realization came recognition that it is possible for a black woman to love and appreciate me for who I am. I figured out that the women of my past were not the right fit for me and vice versa. Though I had now come to these understandings, it wasn’t until this moment of meeting Nafessa that it came full circle and confirmed the newly realized truth.
This badass melanated queen of a woman, raises her glowing face and and says “hi handsome” with an undeniably beautiful smile. Without even trying, Nafessa’s positivity brightened my week, reinforced some mental wounds I had just recently healed, and boosted confidence in an area of my life that was sincerely lacking for years. This was definitely a turning point for me as I’ve since eliminated assumptions that were previously made when going into interactions with new women and now act like nothing short of myself during these interactions. I do so in comfort and confidence of who I am—knowing that I may one day find and marry the love of my life.
Of course I’m going to share this like I do every other post and maybe she’ll have a chance to read it but I truly look forward to an opportunity to thank Nafessa in-person for her kindness. We had a brief conversation before I left the table but those two words in particular, meant much more to me than she could have imaged.
I love black women—I always have and I always will. I’ve been in a much better space knowing that they too can love me.
SIDENOTE: Now that I’m single, I definitely care if that compliment was sincerely just for me...just saying! 🙂
